Archive | March, 2014

The Journey – Week 8 Musings

29 Mar

Monday, 3/25 – Really nice to fly today and not have the seat belt digging into me.  I’ve maxed that thing out.  Thank Gawd, I’ve never needed “the extension”, but it’s always pretty tight.  Too tight.  Not today.  Nice and easy, and the young business babe next to me didn’t even seem to mind being seated next to a small whale.  Normally, I can see that look 20-25 feet before I get to my row.  That “Please God.  Don’t let him sit by me.  Please God.” look.  It’s humiliating.  Nice, cozy flight today.

Friday, 3/28 – What a week!  70+ hours.  Sleep/work/sleep/work.   But I did it.  I had the energy to push through.  Monday & Tuesday were brutal, but the week got better after that.  On the road in Boise, ID.  Unfortunately, there was only one time I could’ve worked out and I elected to go drinking with colleagues instead.  It was fun and the right choice.  I WILL be back in the gym tommorrow morning though!  I don’t think I can make it tonight after I worked all day and fly home tonight.  Fortunately, I did eat healthy almost the whole trip.  That’s always a struggle but I did it and it wasn’t even very hard.  I did break down last night, but other than that, perfect.  So I’m hoping the scale is kind in the morning on weigh-in day!  It should be!  Feeling good and looking forward to going home and seeing my family.

Saturday, 3/29 – Damn!  The week caught up with me.  I was exhausted by the time I got home.  Hugged everybody and dropped like a rock.  However, there’s nothing like a 10-hour sleep in your own bed.  Woke up refreshed at 6am.  Caught up on a couple shows, hit the gym and started running errands.  The scale wasn’t as kind as I’d hoped it would be, but I can’t complain.  It’s been 8 weeks and I’ve dropped 32lbs.  ALMOST under 300.  Getting close.  Capped off with a nice 90-minute massage.  So good to get back to the gym.  Plenty of energy and feeling great today.  Looking forward to my buddy Michael’s birthday bash tonight and Nerd Heaven a.k.a. Emerald City Comicon tomorrow with the kids!

See ya next week!

 

Still my all time favorite Comicon Cosplayer.  NO!  It's not me!

Still my all time favorite Comicon Cosplayer. NO! It’s not me!

The Journey – Week 7 Musings

16 Mar

Sunday 3/16 – Had another work dinner last night.  It was great to see my colleagues fall out of their chairs when I ordered a garlic chicken and basil dish instead of a burger.  And when I was full I pushed it away. #winning

Wednesday 3/19 – I was checking myself out this morning in the mirror and I look a lot better.  It’s still far from pretty, but I’ve definately shrunk and I’m almost certain my shoulders have grown as there’s a slight V shape to me instead of the usual O.  I did take some pictures in my underwear when I started and I’ll do it again after it’s been a total of 3 months, but I don’t want to do it until then.  My belly is definately smaller.  My face I think is a bit smaller too.  I was really hating pictures of me with a face that was so much bigger than everyone else in the picture.

Wednesday 3/19 – #Compassion.  I guess this “journey” is about physically getting better as well as mentally getting better.  Something I noticed about myself that I don’t particularly like, but I have no idea how to change, is my lack of compassion.  I just don’t think I’m normal.  For instance, if I see a what looks to be a nice bum on a wheelchair on the streets and I have a couple bucks in my pocket, I’ll give it to him.  I donate a lot of cash to charities throughout the year and am happy to do it.  I volunteer a lot of time to organizations and charities every year.  Last year I did 138 hours and I’m very proud of that.  Now here’s the problem.  Yesterday in Seattle, there was a news helicopter crash and the pilot and photographer died.  Another man on the ground was seriously injured.  Everyone is talking about it and it’s a huge news story here.  When I heard it, I didn’t really think anything of it.  I certainly wasn’t happy about it.  But it didn’t overwhelm me with sadness either.  It didn’t affect me in any way at all.  I feel sorry for the families who lost loved ones and then I didn’t think about it again the rest of the day.  At night, I was reading a Scuba magazine and the news was on in the background.  They were talking about the crash.  Again, nothing.  Then I turn to a page in my magazine with horrific pictures of the slaughter of manta rays and sharks in 3rd world Asian countries and my heart about breaks in two.  Whenever I hear of a child taken, kidnapped, raped, hurt, or killed, I could sometimes just cry.  But people, strangers….completely ambivalent.  I don’t like that.  Even when my own family members die, and my little brother was tragically taken in a motorcycle accident a few years back, I don’t think I feel what others do.  It’s strange and it bothers me that I seem to lack the emotion that everyone else seems to have.

Thursday 3/20 – I have a beautiful pair of Bose headphones that I got for Christmas a couple years ago.  I love ’em.  However, I use them everyday at the gym, and they’ve begun to …. smell.  Smell bad.  Like dead body bad.  There’s this layer of foam that surrounds the ear cup that I guess has gotten sweat soaked and it is awful.  I can smell it, so the unfortunate people around me can smell it and they’re either 1) really grossed out, or 2) really impressed how hard I’m working.  It’s probably #1.  I need to figure out how to replace the cups, or get rid of the smell.  I don’t wanna buy another set because these babies are spendy and they still work great.  It would be cheaper to buy a clothespin for my nose and to pass them out to immediate neighbors.

Sunday, 3/23 – Well the weekend came and went.  Actually, I have a day left as it’s early morning on Sunday free day.  Took off Thursday after work for a long weekend up in Birch Bay (right on the Canadian border in very northern WA state) w/my wife, daughter, and her best friend (who’s like our niece, a daughter of one of my best friends in the world.)  I stayed on track.  Ate right and exercised on Thur & Fri.  Saturday rolled around and we decided to go to Canada.  We went up into Vancouver BC, through Stanley Park, stopped a couple hours at the great Vancover Aquarium (really great aquarium), and then this really cool water recreation center, which was more like a water park, in Richmond BC called Watermania (super cheap and super fun for families!)  All of us had a really great time and it took up the entire day.  As we were at Watermania, my wife elected to sit and watch.  I got in the wave pool w/the girls, went down the slides, we were jumping off the super high diving block which I would guess was about 22-24 feet (it looks higher when you’re up there looking down!)  I was much more active than I usually am and had fun playing like I was a kid!  My wife commented right before we were going that she was tired.  We had had a long day.  I honestly wasn’t tired at all.  We drove back to the USA and had dinner at a local burger & fries joint and it was awesome!  I blew it.  But that’s ok.  Today is a new day and all I can do is my best today.  (And it’s free day so it won’t be so hard.)  🙂  Now, I leave for Boise for the week in the morning.  That will be a challenge, but I will do everything I can to eat healthy and get my work out in.

See ya next week.

Here's The Fish and her friend Allie at the Vancouver Aquarium.  As far as aquarium's go, it's pretty awesome.  Not as good as Monterrey Bay down in CA, but way better than the Seattle Aquarium (the worst aquarium in the world.)

Here’s The Fish and her friend Allie at the Vancouver Aquarium. As far as aquarium’s go, it’s pretty awesome. Not as good as Monterrey Bay down in CA, but way better than the Seattle Aquarium (the worst aquarium in the world.)

The Journey – Week 6 Musings

15 Mar

Last Saturday rolled around and I sat down to do my weekly reflection.  I recall during Week 5 having all sorts of wise, or at least what I think is interesting, comments and thoughts that I could hopefully share and hit one person and inspire them to think about changing.  But, when I sat down, to reflect, nothing came to me.  Everything was fine.  Had a very good, busy, productive week and stayed on track.  What happened to all that great stuff I was thinking about saying during the week?  Don’t know….I lost it.  (And it probably wasn’t that great to begin with, but it seemed like it at the time.)

So with that thought, I figured I’d change it up this week and go with short, random musings as they come to me during the week.

Monday, 3/10 – Yesterday on free day, I overdid it.  Not on purpose.  It was just “free day” and I don’t worry on free day.  I do what I want.  Went out to breakfast.  Had a 3 egg omelette w/ham, bacon, and sausage, home fries, and a piece of thick wheat toast.  It was huge.  It was pretty damn good.  It was WAY too much to eat.  I was stuffed.  Later in the day, I had 4 tagalong cookies, not because I was hungry, but because they were there and tasted awesome.  Probably drank 3-4 glasses of my favorite drink, Coke throughout the day.  For dinner, I wasn’t hungry at all, but it was free day!  Don’t waste it!  I went to 5 Guys.  Got a bacon double cheeseburger and a large fry.  Stuffed them into me, then subsequently felt like shit.  It all did not fit in me anymore and I forced it.  That was not good.  And kind of ruined it.  The eating pleasure, completely gone.  It was simply about finishing and getting it in on free day.  Problem:  None.  It was free day!  Lesson learned:  I could’ve EASILY taken that delicious breakfast and spread it out through the day and been JUST fine.  Box it up when I leave, or throw it away, just leave it.  Those are options, I don’t consider when I eat out.  Or, if I want to indulge and am not even hungry, I could’ve EASILY gotten by with a bacon cheeseburger and small fry and been JUST fine.   Just because I can, does not mean I should or have to.  I’m going to fix that next Sunday.  You should not eat until it makes you feel sick.  What I used to consider normal, is no longer normal for me.

Monday 3/10 – I am wearing a pair of jeans that I could not button, let alone zip 5 weeks and 2 days ago.  They fit wonderfully and are VERY comfortable.  That is a win today.

This is a picture of myself I absolutely HATE.  I look, I mean, I am massive and look very unhappy.  Even though I wasn't.  This was on 12/29 and a contributer to me deciding I needed to make a change.  it was also the final regular season win for the Seahawks against the Rams which won us the NFC West.

This is a picture of myself I absolutely HATE. I look, I mean, I am massive and look very unhappy. Even though I wasn’t. This was on 12/29 and a contributor to me deciding I needed to make a change. it was also the final regular season win for the Seahawks against the Rams which won us the NFC West.

Monday 3/10 – Some asshole parked so close to me I couldn’t even fit between the cars to unlock the door.  I have NO clue how this person got out of their car as our driver doors were no more than 3 inches apart.  A sheet of notebook paper would have trouble getting out of this car.  Must’ve been the skinniest prick in the world.  Anyways, the reason I bring this up, is I remember this happened to me about a year ago.  Same car.  I drive an older 4 door sedan.  It’s a 1998 POS Malibu with 116K miles on it.  It runs like a top.  It is not big.  Anyways, I have to go in the passenger door and climb over the console to be able to drive away.  Again, the car is not big.  For the record, I am.  Now when I did this a year ago, I remember being thankful no one witnessed it.  I remember huffing and puffing as I tried to contort my massive body to clear the console and drop into the drivers seat.  It was a bitch and I think I had to make a couple attempts before I succeeded.  Today, recalling that dreadful occurrence, I was shocked as it took me about 2.5 seconds to quickly and nimbly hop the console, plop right down in the drivers seat and drive off.  After I wrote the asshole parker a nice like FU note.  That’s progress baby!

Tuesday 3/11 – I am in awe of myself and how productive I have been lately.  This new vigor and renewed energy is wonderful.  I have always been a procrastinater and the last 3-4 months before I started The Journey, I was severely lacking focus.  I was really “laying on the bottom.”  I felt like I was starting to die.  Not painful, or hurting, or dying tomorrow, but I honestly did not feel like I was growing or living any more.  I was just repeating the motions day in and day out somewhat aimlessly and I just did not feel like me.  I am so much more dialed in.  I don’t know if it’s the healthy eating, proper sleep, or what, but it’s something and I really love it.  Rather than think, and him-and-haw, I just keep doing it and getting it done.  Whatever “it” may be.

Thursday 3/13 – I don’t think I made a poop yesterday.  That’s never happened before.  I’m usually in the can at least 30 minutes (total) a day.  That’s like 2% of the day.  That’s like 3.5 hours a week pooping.  This is going to save me a lot of time!

Thursday 3/13 – Knowing I have a work dinner tonight, I got up and went to the gym this morning! That was smart. Healthy food packed for the day. Now tonight I have to make a sensible meal choice and cap the cocktails at two! One day at a time…

Saturday 3/14 – Had a long 13 hour day yesterday and as I type this at 7am, I have another long one coming up today, but then this project will be DONE!!  Got home from work last night about 8:40pm and my wife’s car was gone.  Then I remembered the school had the silent auction and bingo night.  I was on this committe and spent dozens of hours planning it and working on it, but unfortunately couldn’t make the event due to work.  Now normally, I’d park, and go right up to bed, but I whipped the car around and drove back to the school as the event had 20 minutes left.  I did make it and got my appearance in, even though I have to get up early again on Saturday and go back to work.  Extra energy rocks.  I really am not that tired even after finishing two long, hard days and one more coming up today.  Just about to head out.

I am a little dissapointed I did not have time to get to the gym yesterday or today, but life goes on.  I will do better tomorrow and I was able to stay on track eating all week.  I know I must’ve dropped a couple more pounds.  2-3 pounds a week is 100-150 a year!  And my starting goal was 115, and I’m about 30 in after finishing week six.

See ya next week or sooner if something cool happens.

The Journey – Week 5

9 Mar

This was the easiest week yet.  As far as staying on target.  Had no problems eating right or getting to the gym.  And it was a tough week.  I have a couple huge projects at work brewing and it was a high stress, couldn’t get enough done, kind of a week.  To add to that, I’m my daughter’s Girl Scout Cookie Mom.  That’s a huge job in itself during this time of year being the cookie warehouse and site sale manager for the entire troop.  It was a trying week.  And you know what?  I did it all and then some.  That ever growing to-do list which I find myself constantly shifting things around and never actually getting anything done…..I actually knocked off a bunch of those as well.

I have so much more energy.  I am not constantly laying down and “resting”.  I’ve been rocking at work too.  So focused and driving everything forward.  It’s been a wonderful feeling to feel like I’m coming back.  This is the person I used to be and the guy I miss.  The bad news is I have about 10 hours of my favorite TV shows DVR’d that I have to catch up on, but I will probably just wind up deleting it all and being done with it.  Who cares?  I really don’t.  That problem solved!

Really nothing more to report than that.  Enjoying my Sunday and feeling super good.  Going out for late breakfast w/the family after we drop off for our first site sale of the day.  Got a few to-dos to wrap and a couple honey-do’s, but the day will be enjoyably spent getting things done, not napping and couching, which is what I would normally be doing on any given Sunday.

Thanks all for your encouragement.  This train is rollin’ on.  See you next week.

P.S.  I am ALMOST under 300 and just a couple points from not being “extremely obese” and am still looking forward to just being plain ole “obese”.

The Journey – Week 4

1 Mar

3/1

I was on a 7 day work road trip last week so I missed my Week 3 update.  Even though I was travelling, I did good keeping up with my routines and eating healthy.  Although I did miss a couple of days.  Due to the work, hours, and stress, I just couldn’t do it.  But rather than getting down on myself, I just got back in the saddle on Wednesday when I got home and kept on rolling.

Today is Saturday and I have some great news.  In the four weeks since I have started my Body for Life program I have dropped my BMI from 45.4 to 42.5.  Still “extremely obese”, but my sights are on “obese” which is a BMI under 40.  I think that’s a goal.  By April 1st, I will be obese!  I bet nobody’s ever said that proudly.  In addition I’ve lost 4.2% of my body fat while gaining a 1/2 lb. of muscle.  My lean mass went up, and my body fat dropped significantly.  I think I’m doing it right.  Scale weight lost in 4 weeks is 25 lbs.  13 came off the first week, and the other 12 took me 3 weeks which is about what I expected.  I have felt hungry or I didn’t get enough to eat exactly zero times in the last month.  I eat 5-6 times a day!  I’ve found I love greek yogurt, spinach, and am much more tolerant of salad and vegetables.  I think I might have enjoyed last night’s salad.  In fact, I know I’ve eaten more fruits & vegetables in the last month than I’ve eaten in the last 5 years.  My cardio intensity increases just about every week as well as adding more and more weight to workouts.  And I’m in the gym under 5 hours a week.  And I still get my bacon doublecheeseburger & fries on free day.  Which is tomorrow!  (But I’ve noticed it’s not as great as I think it will be in my mind.  And this week I haven’t really been “looking forward” to it.  I’ve been just fine eating healthy.)

The best part is I just feel I’m getting my mojo back.  November through January I was really feeling shitty.  No energy to do anything.  Didn’t want to do anything.  I could go to work and dreaded everything else.  And even at work, I didn’t feel as sharp or focused as I usually do.  I found myself putting “to-dos” off in my personal life and if you know me, I always seem to have a ton of stuff going on.  Just couldn’t do it…or do it as well as I wanted to.  Even my wife and I were talking last night and she said I seemed to be in a rut, but noticed a serious change in me the last month and that’s good.  I feel I’m changing.  For the better.  I’m certainly feeling much better and that’s for sure!

I think I feel so good, I’ll post my blogs about this experience which I have been afraid to put up.  For what reason, I don’t exactly know.  I suppose I thought I might fail or didn’t believe I could do this.  I don’t know really.  But I’m ready.  I’ll share with you what I’ve done and why I’ve done it for anyone who cares.  If I inspire one person, it’s worth any embarassment or ridicule.

So that’s my weekly update.  I’ve been runnin’ ragged since I got up at 8am and that’s unusal.  I still have more to get done today and I actually feel like doing it!  If all goes well, I’m going to round up some mates and have a few cocktails at the local watering hole!

Cheers!

The Journey – Week 2

1 Mar

2/15

I gotta say I think I’m doing really good.  Very positive today.

This week while still tough, wasn’t as mentally tough as the first week.  I am starting, dare I say it, enjoying being in a gym again.  I like the vibe of all people working at improving themselves.  Even if I can spot some mistakes.  It’s not my place to help anyone until I help myself and let me tell you….I have a LONG way to go.  However, I checked in today at 316.8 which is ungodly, but to me, sounds pretty good.  When I got on that scale 2 weeks ago exactly, it said 334.  Granted the majority of that weight came off in the first week and I know it’s all water, but I dropped a solid 4.2lbs last week.  I never got hungry, and at least 1/2 the food I ate, I enjoyed.  The other half I tolerated, but it was better than the first week.  Plus I love Sunday, I get myself a fatass cheeseburger.  God, I love em.

Anyways, I am somewhat excited to get to the gym now to try to improve on my last performance and push myself.  I’ve been good about planning out my food and next day’s workout the day before.  That’s helping big time.  I need the plan.  When I set foot into the gym, I know exactly where I’m going, what I’m doing, and how long I expect to train.  I try to do a little more than I did the time before searching for that sweet spot where I can’t do another rep.  It’s trial and error, but in just 2 weeks, I’ve gained quite a bit of confidence again and frequently add weight, increase time, speed, or incline depending on what kind of workout I’m doing.  I’ve found a few sweet spots, now I need to build the muscle to bust through them and set new highs.

Been feeling good in the day too.  More energy, more alert, it’s been really nice.  And it’s been really cold here and I’m out and about early so I gotta zip my coat up, and I swear there’s a little more room in there than there was a couple weeks ago.  And yesterday I had to pull my pants up a few times, but haven’t quite dropped another belt loop.  Maybe next week….

Looking forward to rest tomorrow, and then I will make my plan for Monday and make it my absolute top priority to complete it.

See ya next week, or sooner if something cool happens.

The Journey – Week 1 Reflection

1 Mar

2/10

Well, week one is in the books and I have to say, I’m pretty happy about it for a whole lot of reasons.  I went down a belt loop in a week with the 13 pounds I dropped.  Now I know that’s a lot weight for one week, but I’m very overweight and so I know a lot of it was just water, but it still feels good.  I don’t expect those stagerring results to continue.

Did I starve?  Not in the slightest.  Last week was the first time in a long time I never actually felt hungry.  Eating six meals a day is a lot harder than it sounds even if those meals are small.  The Body for Life program gives me a food list to choose from and considers one portion of protein and one portion of carbs a meal.  A portion being the size of your palm or clinched fist.  Throw fruits and veggys in to several meals for good measure.  And I did it.  I would guess I ate almost as much as I normally do.  The difference being everything I put in me had actual nutritional value.  I did not have any trouble abstaining from soda or junk food.  At least last week.  There was no temptation with my free day coming up on Sunday when I knew I could satisfy any craving.

Also, ate more fruit and salad in the last week than I’ve ate in the last year combined.  Fruit is good!  Salad is tolerable, but not bad.

I got to the gym six out of six days last week.  Got in two upper body workouts, three cardio sessions, and one lower body workout.  God knows I was so sore on Wednesday after my Monday upper body workout, and when Friday came around for another upper body, I didn’t know if I could do it as I was still a bit sore, but once I got in there and got going, no problem.  Fortunately Sunday & today, Monday, I don’t feel nearly as sore as I did after the first one.  After each workout, I usually plan the next one and make some revisions to make the workout just right for me.  While far from a perfect week in the gym, I would give myself a 7 or 8 for each session on a scale of 1 to 10.  Several times it was hard to “go”, but once I got there, no problems at all.  While the workouts are tough, I do enjoy them and feel excellent when completed.  (I did used to lift a lot of weights at several points in my life, but it’s been a good 10+ years.)

Energy levels were improved last week, but still a far cry from where I want to get.  I did feel better.  I attribute a lot of that to forcing myself to get eight hours of sleep a night.  I wasn’t totally successful, but I did do a pretty decent job of getting enough rest.  I love bedtime.

Sunday was great, my free day.  I induldged in my favorite foods and while enjoyable, it wasn’t as “great” as I was looking forward too.  Hopefully I didn’t screw things up too badly, but I do love having this day on this program.  It gives me something to look forward to.  But as I said, I looked forward to it, but once I got there, it wasn’t as great as I thought it would be.  And while I ate terribly, it was certainly no worse than I would eat on any given day before I started the program.

While I have my vision for where I’d like to be in 12 weeks (11 now), I’m trying to focus on “today”.  I just need to eat right today and make sure to get my workout in.  And plan for tomorrow.  I’m not thinking much past Tuesday.  Totally focused on my top priority today of 1) eating right and 2) getting in the workout, and 3) getting proper rest.  Those are three of the things I must get done today to have a better tomorrow.

See ya!

The Journey – Day 1 Reflection

1 Mar

2/4

Well, I did it.  Yesterday was Day 1 of the Body for Life program.  I had planned out my day’s food and workout on Sunday and committed to it yesterday.  While it didn’t come out perfectly, I did eat 5 of my 6 meals yesterday and they were all healthy.  Considering my normal diet, they were REALLY healthy.  And it wasn’t terrible.
My upperbody workout was hard.  I knew it would be.  I did my best to stick with my plan and will use that experience to adjust the next upper body workout (on Friday).  My son surprised me and instead of going to weight training after school, he waited for me to get home and came to the gym with me.  That night at dinner, he told my wife that I looked like a real stud lifting free weights and I think he was being genuine.  (I did used to lift a lot of weights in my teens and again in my early 30’s, but that’s how long it’s been.)

But the bad news is, I’m tired.  I know it’s going to take time.  I have been very concientious the last week or so getting ready to make sure I do everything I can to get 8 hours of sleep which is a LOT for me.  I’m used to only about 5 per night, but if I’m going to do this, I know I have to cut some things out so I can get to bed earlier.  Nothing important.  Mostly just tube time.

Yesterday was a whirlwind as after work, I went straight to workout, home to cook dinner, immediately over to the School District to participate in a phone bank calling local voters to remind them of upcoming education levys on the ballot, off to the end of the Boy Scout meeting, and then finally home.  I dropped.  Got 7 hours of sleep and I’m yawning this morning.

Anyways.  I have my plan for food and aerobic exercise today and nothing will stop me from completing them the best that I can.  I won’t beat myself up when things don’t go perfectly and I’ll get ready for tomorrow before I go to bed tonight.

A few nice things I can take away from yesterday: I didn’t feel hungry once.  I probably ate the same as I do on any other day, only everything I ate for nutrition and it wasn’t bad at all.  (In fact, the BBQ chicken, baked potato and salad I had for dinner was pretty damn good.)  I’m a little sore today in my upper body, but not dreadful, but I know sometimes it’s the day-after-the-day-after so we’ll see.  And I liked that my son was very curious about the details of the program and on our way home from Scouts we talked about things he can start doing and ways he can manage the eating part as a high-school student.

We’re off and running.  This is going to be a journey and best taken one day at a time.  I hope to start feeling better soon.  I sure feel better after writing this down.

The Journey – Getting Rolling – First steps

1 Mar

1/28/2014

I am using Bill Phillips book Body for Life to get back on track. I did this program about 10 years ago or so and had very good success. However, I got cocky at the end, strayed from my plan, and fell off course after losing around 43 lbs. and feeling really good about myself.

I probably never came back to it because I knew it was hard. Maybe not hard, because it’s really not. It’s just not as easy as doing nothing. That’s why I probably never came back to it. I also know it works. It’s the only thing in my overweight life that has ever worked that I can recall. I’ve done this-or-that and it’s lasted for awhile, but never long term and I’ve wound up right back where I started and worse.

I’m going to do a better job this time and follow the program word-for-word.

It begins with a self assessment. An honest reflection. I’ve never been much of a private person. I try to always be open & honest in all aspects of my life, so it’s really not a big deal to put out my own dreams and goals for this program right here. It’s in hopes that I can actually look back and go “WOW! I did it!” and moreso, that it helps someone else who may see it and feel exactly like me. I’m sure most people who’ve let themselves go like I have, probably feel very much the same.

Here it is:

1/28/2014

Reasons to change

  • I am shocked how big I am when I see myself in pictures/videos.  I don’t see myself that big in the mirror, but the camera does not lie.  That’s what other people see and I don’t feel that’s me.  I want my physical manifestation to be the guy who I see in the mirror.
  • I want to live.  I know I’m at a high risk of an early grave.  I don’t want to go until I’m ready.  I have too much left to do, too much fun to have, too much life to live, not to mention watch my kids grown into what I hope will be healthy, successful adults.  And if they don’t, they’ll need me around to help them overcome their obstacles.
  • I do not want to work at my current career much past 55 years old, but I do not want to quit working at all.  I want to have the choice to continue at my current career or sacrifice some income and find something to do that I love instead.  I just want that choice.  I’ve done the right financial things to put myself in that position where I won’t need as much income after 55 to keep my present lifestyle, but today, I hardly have the energy to get off the couch.
  • I would love to get back to scuba diving regularly.  It was so peaceful and serene, it was almost always a religious experience when we had good conditions and got in the zone.  My current level of fitness has me too scared to get back to this strenuous activity that I love.  I know I’m too out of shape to dive safely.
  • I love to volunteer my time and help people.  I have for many years.  It is part of who I am.  However, as I’m aging and getting bigger, I find the energy to take on these opportunities to help others just isn’t there.  I feel great after volunteering and helping someone, but getting going seems to be harder and harder due to complete lack of energy.
  • I get excited to go do things, as I always have, but once the date comes near, I just want to skip it.  Go to bed.  Lay around at home.  I don’t get excited anymore.  And I don’t want to go.  I just don’t have any energy and it really bothers me.

What I would like to achieve in the next 12 weeks

  • I would like to feel I have the energy to make it through a whole day without getting tired and  laying down for a nap or at least wishing I could. 
  • I would like to stop pushing my TO DO’s on my task list continually back day after day.  I would like the energy to tackle challenges and tasks head on and get things done rather than moving things around!
  • I would like photographs of me to not look as embarrassing as the most recent photos and videos of myself have been.  I don’t want to fret “how bad is it going to be” when someone takes my picture (which I know is going up on Facebook.)  I used to be proud of my looks.  I’d like to be proud again.
  • I would like to get my dive gear on and take a dip and feel good about it and not scared.
  • I would like to fit back into my favorite Levi’s that have been snug, but I can now no longer button.  I don’t think I’m too far from fitting into those.  I also got a beautiful new Liverpool jersey for Xmas 2013, that I’m just a bit too big for.  I’d love to wear these pants, this jersey and get a good picture in them.  That would be very satisfying.
  • I would like to motivate my family (we’re all plus size) to follow in my footsteps.  I would like to set the example and lead them.  My son’s on board already with this program, but I know if I’m successful it will motivate him and all my family to get going.

Five Specific Goals

  • In twelve weeks, I will be under 290lbs. in weight.  This will be the lowest I’ve been since I can remember.  At least a decade.
  • In twelve weeks, I will fit into my favorite pair of Levis and Liverpool jersey and have someone take a picture of me I feel comfortable with.
  • In twelve weeks, I will work off 10% of my body fat.
  • In twelve weeks, I will be back scuba diving and doing it as regularly as I used to; about twice/month.
  • In twelve weeks, I will regularly be eating foods that I consider gross or icky today.

Three Unauthorized Patterns of Action

  • No drinking alcohol.  Drinking leads to hangovers.  Which lead to a day of feeling like shit and getting nothing done.  Not to mention, greasy terrible food is all that sounds good.
  • No junk food.  I snack on a lot of junk food and drink a lot of soda.
  • No missing workouts.  I need to make my workout and my food plan a top priority status everyday.

Three New Patterns of Action

  • Review these dreams and goals in the morning when I wake up and in the evening when I go to bed.
  • Plan every day’s detailed workout and detailed meal plan before the day begins.  Be prepared for the next day and make it a top priority to follow the plan.
  • Try eating/cooking new foods and experimenting in the kitchen.  (I really enjoy cooking).

The Journey – Preplanning

1 Mar

Monday, 1/20, 6pm

I don’t know if this post will ever make the light of day. I hope it does. I really hope it does.

I’m getting older. For the first time in my entire life, I’m starting to feel it. I’m 43. I’m not really old. Not yet anyways. And I would like to believe I have a hell of a lot of good years left. I have a truly amazing and tolerant wife of 18 years. I have been a good husband, but a long ways from great and she really, really loves me. No other woman on earth could put up with all of my B.S. I’m lucky to have her and I really take it for granted.

I have two incredible kids. They’re both very bright, confident, and seem to be very happy. We spoil them. Never have had to resort to spanking them (although I’m totally not against it. They just haven’t been bad enough yet is what I tell them. And because my 15 year old could probably beat the shit out of me if truth be told.) Anywyas, I love to spend time with them and they are two of the most important things in my life.

Now notice, I didn’t say the “most” important things. I did that on purpose. I have learned that the most important thing on earth is me. Now mind you, that does sound selfish, but hear me out. If I don’t take care of myself and strive to be the best I can be, I can not be the best husband, father, friend, employee, brother, etc., etc. to anyone.

I’m tired. I’m really tired. I’m always tired.

I’ve been lucky. I have been with the same company for 24 pretty wonderful years. I have a really great career. I’m very happy and hope I can retire in another 10-15 years. I think I can. I’ve been good with managing money and my wife and I have built a very good life for ourselves.

I have an amazing group of friends who I am very close with. I consider them my brothers & sisters. This is one of the most valuable things I have in life and these people are all true blessings to me.

However, along the way, on what’s been a really rich & rewarding life, I’ve really let myself go. I’m terribly overweight. I smoke about a pack of cigarettes a day. I don’t drink frequently, but when I do drink, I drink a lot. I rarely exercise. And generally, I just don’t seem to have energy to do anything anymore. Which is a real pain, and really starting to weigh on me, as even though I’ve been obese for many, many years it hasn’t impeded me as much as it does others who are my size. I volunteer a lot of time in the community, love to travel and get out, and until I became so I unfit I don’t feel safe doing it anymore, I love scuba diving here in the cold, murky waters of the Pacific Northwest USA. I really, really miss that.

Anyways, that’s enough of a preamble. You know enough about me. I’m hopeful I can look back on these words someday and say “I did it! I got my life back on track to where I want it to be!” I really hope I can. And this was the first step on the journey of what’s going to be a thousand miles. I’m not happy with myself anymore and for the first time in my life, it scares me how far I am from where I want to be. I hope I can find the courage to post this to my blog someday in the hopes it will inspire someone else. But I have to lead by example and prove to myself I can do it before I’m willing to click the “publish” button on this blog. For now it stays with me.

I hope to get moving very soon and post an update with some progress.