Fatherhood. What I’ve learned…

18 Jun

Pros of being a father:

  • Kids make great slaves and love to fetch beers.
  • Daughters think you walk on water, even if you sink.
  • You’re a hero to your son, even if you’ve never slayed a dragon.
  • Seeing “pride” on your kid’s face makes you feel like it’s your own.
  • Get lots of credit for teaching easy sh*t:  tying shoes, throw a baseball, ride a bike, belch the A,B,C’s, etc.
  • Brag about how awesome your kids are and show them off
  • Kids love cookies & ice cream for breakfast and understand why mom doesn’t need to know.
  • You get to bang their mother (or at least you got to when she was still hot.)
  • Watching kids score goals, hit homers, make plays, and earn awards never, ever gets old.
  • Get to watch old movies you used to love and share them with someone you love.
  • Create new Metallica fans.
  • Children don’t let you forget how important it is to play no matter how old you feel.
  • Easy to hold under a blanket after you let a massive fart.
  • Lots and lots of  hugs.
  • Being called Daddy has the same sincerity as someone saying “Your Royal Majesty…”
  • Keeping current with who’s cool, and who’s not.
  • Some of your kid’s friends will have smokin’ hot moms.
  • Turning tears into smiles.
  • Seeing your kids do something you taught them perfectly.
  • Easy to kick ass at Monopoly cause kids will take any deal, no matter how stupid it is.
  • Chicks don’t find many things sexier than a good father.

Cons

  • Your kids grow up.

I sure as hell hope I taught them well.

Happy Father’s Day to all the great Dad’s in the world including my own.

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